In Teens Why Nighttime is the Best Time for Communication: Tips for Parents

An idyllic day with teens usually starts at about 7 am in the morning with breakfast cereals at the table. Followed by schooltime, and dinner, and typically ends up locking themselves in their rooms at night. Relatable right? Teens surely love their privacy and sometimes often end up feeling chatty at pretty odd hours of the day here’s why

The late hour chats can be a valuable opportunity for teen communication. 

According to a psychologist in private practice specializing in  young adults, discovered  key reasons why teens often tend to open up at night.  

Firstly, the purely biological reasons—namely, puberty, and the hormonal and bodily developmental changes of adolescence, as most kids turn into night owls the circadian rhythms readjust, causing them to feel tired much later at night.  

The practical reasons. It’s normal for teens to be intensely occupied with others during most of the day—schoolwork, outward activities, friends—and they simply have no headspace left to connect with their parents during the day.  

Also, nighttime might be your teen’s only chance to get undivided full attention.  It psychologically implies that they are viewing home as a “safe cocoon” where they can be themselves. Which is always a good thing.  

They come home, they can unwind, relax, and be themselves—there’s no social pressure anymore and they can open up more, verbally and emotionally.  

Also check our blog post: Practical Tips to Deal With Toddler Tantrums

In Teens Is This Normal?  

Yes, this behavior is absolutely normal. Teens are oftentimes more private people and not as communicative with parents during years of adolescence.  

However, be cautious that a pattern of teens consciously avoiding  talking to you at all during the day might be a little concerning. Do a little self-reflection and interrogation if that’s the case.  

The Agenda 

If nighttime is the time your teen wants to open up, it’s always best to take advantage of that according to a child and family psychiatrist.  

Use these nighttime moments to connect more deeply and openly with your teen. Allowing them to take the lead. These nighttime sessions—or any time of the day when your teen is willing to sit and connect—isn’t the best time to barge them with unnecessary questions.  

Let your teen guide and lead the conversation, avoid turning the interaction into an underlying agenda.  

Try and Be fully present when your teen starts opening up to you, even if it’s late  thinking that they’ll be just as talkative in the morning, because in all probability they won’t.  

Connect  

Many might not be able to stay awake long enough to be there when teens seem to come out of their shells and that’s totally understandable.   

One of the main ways you can get your kids to connect with you is by going for evening walks and making dinner time a no-screens event. That ways it’s always a good time to chat and be fully attentive and present at the moment.  

And for those parents out there who can’t seem to open up with their teens both at night times or otherwise, here’s a list of tips that can make your teen communication skills much better.  

Listen 

As a parent, it’s easy to fall prey to unwarrantedly lecturing your teens.  

You do have a lot of life experience and you want to share it with them. But studies  show otherwise and hint that angry banters don’t work.  

Find alternative ways to actively engage by asking them questions like:  

“Can I help you feel better?” 

“I want to support you in this situation?”  

Simply avoid saying things like:  

“What’s always wrong with you?” 

“What are you thinking about?”  

Ask questions that engage them in an affirmative and positive way, and build a solid foundational bond of trust.  

Overcome teen Communication barriers  

A communication wall eventually develops if you frequently blame, judge, or criticize your teens. 

Coming to communication, emotional barriers can prevent teens from feeling secure and safe to open up and talk about what’s going on in their lives.  

For example, if you want your teenage daughter to change her behavior, avoid starting the conversation by criticizing her. Instead, empathize making sure she feels comfortable about opening up her emotions.  

If you want your teens to talk more, give them your full attention. Listen to your teens without judgment, and avoid unnecessarily giving  unsolicited advices. 

Avoid the blame game  

When something goes wrong in your teen’s life, and of course you want to help.  

Teens make mistakes, and that’s alright! It’s how they learn and grow.  

Whenever your teens come to talk, avoid all urges to blame or shame them for whatever wrong has happened.  

Instead, be understanding and truly compassionate. Let your teenagers know that it’s absolutely okay if they’d made a mistake.  

Help them to process their emotions and self-reflect on what they’ve learned through the trials and errors.  

By doing so, they’ll feel more comfortable sharing things with you in the future.  

Space out  

Too often, teens can make impulsive decisions. It does require time and experience to understand that some spacing out always leads to the best outcomes.  

If you know or suspect that your teenager is struggling with something, always check in to find out what’s going on.  

Whenever possible, help your teens to think through difficult situations so they can see things from a different more matured perspective.  

Over time, they’ll learn this on their own, which is indeed a valuable skill they’ll be able to use for years to come.  

Avoid tensions   

As a parent, you’ll have really tough days when the stress of  life gets to you often.  

At those vulnerable times, it’s more likely that a conversation with your teen will result in an abruptly heated argument that can possibly curtail the relationship.  

When the tensions like these starts to rise, try and say something like:  

“I need time to talk about this.” 

“Let’s speak about this later, please. I need some space right now.”  

Saying things like that ensures that when you do sit down and talk with your teen, you’ll be able to have a calmer discussion. This will show your teen that you care about them and equally respect him or her.  

Engage   

Is your teen probably withdrawn?  

Sometimes, it’s tough for teens to talk to others about what’s happening in their lives as judgment phobias usually set in.  

Keeping the lines of communication open is essential, especially during the critical years of self-discovery and adolescence.  

Research has shown – not surprisingly though – that when parents listen to their teens actively and attentively, they feel a greater sense of closeness, independence, autonomy, and self-worth.  

It can be challenging, but do your best to be that understanding parent to your teen each day!  

Empathy is key  

Many teens feel isolated and alienated as if no one understands what they’re going through.  

This can also cause them to feel depressed, lonely, anxious, or angry.  

By communicating empathetically with teens, you’ll be showing that you’re doing your best to understand how they really feel.  

When you say things like, “I know this is unfair,” or “It must be irritating to feel as if you don’t fit in,” you’re letting them know that you’re trying to put yourself in their shoes.  

Empathy is always a healthy way to create understanding and deal with teen traumas and tantrums.  

Refrain threats  

Teens develop their own sense of identity and it’s normal for them to test boundaries.  

Your teens often say, “I’ll do it later,” when you’ve already cleared that you need the errands done now.  

As a parent, this is intrusive and frustrating, so punishments or threats might seem like most effective.  

But threats rarely work, and serve only to damage the relationship you have with your teen.  

So, what to do instead?  

Try strategies like:  Giving your teens choices whenever possible 

Connect with them more and criticize them less 

Talk to them about their past time hobbies and interests 

Say positive things to them always.  

Be real  

As a parent, you want to cherish a great relationship especially with your teens. So don’t be afraid to tell them this.  

Make them feel that you love them, and show affection in the ways that they can truly appreciate.  

Rather than using harsh “you” statements, which can feel distant and accusatory, try replacing “I” statements that focus on connectivity and how you feel. Like instead of saying   

You’re not working hard enough.”  

Say. “I too feel worried about the exam next week. So, let’s start prepping.  

The above statements can have diverse impacts on a teens mind, the latter having a more real and trusty one.  

Active Listening   

Heard of active listening before.  

It’s the ubiquitous process of listening such that the other person feels heard, relatable and understood.  

Active listening isn’t about using specific cognitive language techniques but comes straight from a place of pure authenticity and empathy.  

Make sure to really listen to what your teens are telling you by maintaining eye contact, ask clarifying questions, and use phrases like, “Tell me more about it.”  

Nodding periodically keeping your arms uncrossed and off-guard. In this way, your teens will surely feel uninhibited and that you’re fully present with them in the moment.  

Avoid generalizing   

Don’t ever tell your teens that they aren’t managing their time well.  

Instead, say that you noticed that they were on their phone for two hours straight after school or we’re staying awake way too late past bedtime. Despite the fact that they did have an incomplete project that’s due tomorrow or the upcoming week.  

When focusing on specific behaviors and patterns, your teens will less likely turn defensive.  

And soon you’ll find to be able to work together with them to agree upon a mutually acceptable solution.  

Final Thoughts  

Everything worth doing requires both consistent effort and commitment.  

It definitely requires your part to be able to communicate effectively with your teens. Period  

But trust us it’s really worth it.  

So let’s encourage effectively using the communication techniques listed here to tame and connect deeper with your nocturnal teens today.